Can a man and a woman ever be best friends?

CAN a man and a woman ever be best friends? This is one pertinent question that keeps popping up over and over again. It was first put out perhaps for public scrutiny in When Harry Met Sally. The hugely popular hit was then followed by My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) and Hum Tum in India (a desi remake of When Harry Met Sally) in 2004.

India’s GenNow got introduced to the question with the Imran Khan-Genelia D’Souza starrer Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa (2009). This year we have Friends With Benefits claiming friendship is a four- letter word. In short, they say a man and a woman can never be friends — as for being best friends, that’s a distant dream.

Yet outside the celluloid world, relationships are far more complicated. The roles being played out in the real world are not bound by a script. Real people fail to understand what movies preach and confuse love with friendship and vice versa. Relationship experts say having a best friend from the opposite sex is one of the main reasons marriages are failing these days.

"When two people from the opposite sex get emotionally close to each other, at least one of them is bound to get attracted to the other and this can cause problems if they are married to different people,” says Dr Kamal Khurana, relationship counsellor, Purple Alley.

MY WIFE’S BEST FRIEND
EDWIN Fernandes ( name changed), a creative director with an advertising agency, is right now going through a divorce and has only himself to blame for it. His story got complicated after his best friend became his wife’s best friend: “ I used to run to my best friend for every problem in my marriage. Consequently, my wife started doing the same. Slowly she got dependant on him emotionally and then she fell in love with him.” With society opening up to having friends from the opposite sex, are we emotionally intelligent enough to handle all these relationships? Not quite, says Dr Rachna Singh, lifestyle expert, Artemis Hospital. “The real problem starts when you are married and have a best friend from the opposite sex. The definition of a best friend overlaps into the definition of a spouse. And then there is a conflict,” says Singh.

A friendship is about companionship, trust and love. And a marriage is about companionship, trust, love and sex. The Sword is the only distinguishing factor. “ In such triangular relationships jealousy creeps causing a conflict,” says Singh.
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Think again - Our problems,our solutions - Make love a national core value!

VALENTINE'S DAY reminds all of us of the power of love! History tells us that Emperor Claudius II was having a hard time getting soldiers to join the army. The main reason, it seemed, was the high value Romans had towards staying with their loved ones and families. As a result, Claudius canceled all marriages and engagements in Rome.

Saint Valentine was a priest in Rome in the days of Claudius II. He secretly encouraged engagements and married couples even though it was temporarily against the law! Saint Valentine was one day caught and condemned to death.

As Saint Valentine was held in jail, many young people came to visit him. They threw flowers and notes up to his window as their expression of support for him and the value he placed on love. One of his young visitors was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to actually visit Valentine in his cell. Their long talks kept his spirits lifted during that difficult time. On the day he was to die, Saint Valentine left his friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. He signed it, "Love from your Valentine" on the day he died, February 14, 269 AD.

Custom began

That note, some historians believe, started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day.

The National Transformation Programme invites you this month to continue this valued custom by embracing and expressing our national core value - love!

The invitation is not just to fall in love but to grow to love.

We invite you not just to make love, but to show love.

Growing to love and showing love are deliberate choices!

Choose to be patient with someone.

Choose to be kind to someone who you think may not deserve your kindness.

Choose to show appreciation to a co-worker, subordinate or employee.

Choose to love someone in your community by repaying their evil act with your loving action!

Maybe Jamaica will be the place to live, work, raise families and do business, when every citizen makes love a national core value! What do you think?
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